Should You Play Hard To Get?

Received a great question the other day and thought I’d share it with you guys..

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Christian,

I’m hoping that the timing of this question works out. I just got my first number ever from a cold approach. I used a derivation of the opener that DJ used on the Connection episode, and we had a pretty good connection about skiing and what we studied in college.

I have her number now and I’m wondering when I should call her back. I’ve only had one girlfriend before so I gotta say I don’t know the rules here. Should I wait for a while and play hard to get or should I call her back tomorrow?

Thanks, Marty

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Hey Marty, sometimes it takes a good question to get the wheels of thought turning, and I had fun thinking about this one. Also, congrats on the pickup and here’s to many more.

Let’s look at what’s really going on when you’re playing hard to get.

You obtain a number, then you don’t call for awhile. You’re trying to convey that you’re busy and that other things in your life are more important than her.

Busy = Important.

Important = High Value.

So what you’re *actually* trying to convey is that you’re a high value guy and that your world doesn’t revolve around her. Fair enough.

The problem I’m having is that you’re thinking of using “hard to get” as a technique. If you find yourself regularly having to do this, it means that you’re doing something wrong during your interactions and not conveying enough value when you’re meeting girls for the first time.

I’d call this a “backend” technique. And a pretty weak one, at that.

The guys I know who are really good with women can call one day later or one week later. They’ve demonstrated enough value during the initial interaction, and they don’t need to compensate on the backend.

Listen to my Escalation episode; you’ll hear a girl I meet at a hotel bar around 7:30 PM get excited about the prospect of hearing from me later in the night. I exhibited enough value that I didn’t need to play hard to get.

Get it?

So not hearing how you talk, I have to ask you: did you leave her with the impression that you’re a hig-value guy?

There is a way that high-value men talk and represent themselves, and it is VERY different from the way that low-value men talk.

Women can pick up on it right away.

A high-value man expects a woman to prove herself to him, and baits and rewards her with some flirting and stories from his life.

A low-value man tries to prove himself to a woman. No matter how many techniques he’s learned or affirmations he’s repeated, she can tell that he’s trying.

If you *get it*, you’ll have more women in your life than you know what to do with. And if you don’t get it, you’ll be grasping at straws and finding yourself using backend techniques like playing hard to get.

Go back and listen to the “Are You Single” opener on our Openers episode, from the 40 second mark to the 54 second mark. There are several casually conveyed, high-value elements, in the following order:

1.) I’m late for a lunch meeting

2.) I’d like to meet up sometime, don’t care how

a.) Maybe she and I will meet for drinks

b.) Maybe she’ll join my friends and I tonight

3.) Either way, I’ll text her shortly

Bam bam bam. It can happen that quickly – 14 seconds. These are the subtle things you’ll hear that show high value.

So look, playing hard to get is a strategy of last resort. I want to help you develop into a guy who doesn’t have to play hard to get. If you find yourself being strategic with women after you got their number, and haven’t yet checked out Hidden Mic Pickups, now’s the time.

You’re going to hear the profound impact that a high-value guy has in his conversations. And if you pay attention, you’re going to carry that vibe into your conversations.

Rock and Roll…
Christian

Christian is a perpetual entrepreneur and occassional social coach, runs The Social Man, and can also be found on his Hidden Mic Pickup Recordings.