Dan Donche – So You Wanna Take The Plunge
August 28, 2009 by Adonis
So You Wanna Take the Plunge? (What to do if you find yourself in a relationship.)
It’s easy to be seduced by the game. It seems to take over your life until it becomes a part of your DNA. The lifestyle gets so engrained into your being that having an abundance mentality becomes easier and easier as your confidence increases and you find yourself mastering the art of being the prize rather than putting women on a pedestal. You have no problems getting rid of women and you don’t get easily attached. But every once in a while someone comes along that completely takes you by surprise and before you know it you find yourself completely out of your element.
I like to think of it like the fighter who easily defeats every opponent, time and again, and then out of nowhere comes a guy who knocks him out cold.
It happens, and there’s no shame in it. The unfortunate thing is that most guys that fall into this scenario end up screwing it up in one way or another. Here are a few tips on how to keep the girl once you’ve decided to let her stick around.
The same things you did to get her are the same things you do to keep her.
This is one of the biggest reasons guys eventually get dropped by women they care about. In fact, it’s the only reason really. Somewhere along the way, a guy puts on the charm, gets the girl, then shit seems to go downhill from there. The girl loses interest. She loses attraction. He becomes boring. Why? Because he changed in some way that caused her to lose interest (most often this is either him coming on too strongly or because he is no longer a challenge).
It’s easy for us guys to comprehend that women are attracted to confidence, unpredictability, etc., and we hone those traits to become more adept at picking up hot chicks. But for some reason or another, we get complacent and forget to keep our shit together and we end up turning women off.
You can’t go too slow, only too fast.
Seduction is all about speed. How fast can I get her contact info? How fast can I kiss her? How fast can I get her in the sack? That’s all well and good in the short term, you have to escalate things, but when it comes to long term, this is inadvisable. Coming on too strong (telling a girl how you feel about her), may work temporarily on some chicks (usually ones with low self-esteem), but it will inevitably lead to your demise on normal chicks. Why? Because she needs to feel as though she’s earning it. She also needs to experience those feelings before you do (or at least think she has), or else you start pushing her in a direction she’s not ready to go, which is a turn off. Lastly, you’re no longer a challenge or mysterious if you blab your life story (or your feelings) to her, which takes all the fun out of the whole thing. That’s nothing new, right?
Never stop being a challenge.
I watched the movie Casanova the other night, and Heath Ledger said one of the coolest lines ever: “Be the flame, not the moth.” If you want anything to last, you have to keep in interesting. When it comes to chicks, you have to get them to chase you. This is what keeps you from becoming boring and things from getting stale. It’s no different than what you do to get her, so why change a strategy that’s working? By being a challenge, you remain the prize. In essence, you are showing her that you are a man who is worthy of her affection. By remaining a challenge, she will never lose interest. You can’t allow yourself to become to available or predictable. Have you ever seen a cat catch a mouse? The cat loses interest when the mouse dies.
Do everything less than she does. This includes calling her, complimenting her, even touching her. (This is probably the only thing I recommend you do differently than you would in speed seduction stuff. After a while, too much touching makes her not crave it anymore, and you always want to leave her wanting you.) If you make her earn your attention, affection, and everything else, it will be more meaningful.
Show, don’t tell.
Perhaps the most valuable technique in writing stories is that of show, don’t tell. What this means is that writers should always show what the character is expressing or feeling, rather than tell the reader everything. It’s much more powerful and the reader feels better about themselves for figuring it out. For example, instead of saying Jimmy was deathly afraid, an author would write something like Jimmy’s heart started racing and his breath drew faster and faster, his eyes darting at every shadow. He shivered uncontrollably. The second version is a lot more graphic, and it’s obvious that Jimmy is scared shitless. Every fiction writing book discusses this technique. The same technique applies to women and relationships.
It’s much better to show her through your actions (not too fast though) how you feel about her than it is to tell her how you feel about her. Show her through your actions that you’re a quality man who is worthy of everything you want. Don’t tell her you’re a guy she can trust, show her. Don’t tell her you’re “not like other guys”, show her. And don’t worry if she starts to ask you what you’re thinking about. That means you’re doing everything right. If you do tell her things, make sure to do it one spoonful at a time. Remain strong and challenging if you want to keep her around.
Closing Thoughts
I suppose the main point I’m trying to get across her is that to keep a girl, you have to remember your manhood. It’s easy to find yourself in a situation where you got so distracted you lost self control. I’ve done it plenty of times. You have to just evaluate how much you really want a thing or not. The ironic part is that the more you want a girl, the more you have to be willing to lose her. (As soon as you get needy, you put her on a pedestal and you lose control of the situation. As soon as you lose control, back off and get a hold of yourself, increase the challenge, and put on your man pants.)
It’s also understandable why a guy might want to do things right. If you think about how many chicks some guys go through before they decide to give a girl a longer chance, it makes sense. When you’re going through chicks and you don’t care what happens to them after a limited time, it’s easier to not take rejection personally. You can move on to the next one. But let’s say you give a girl a chance to prove herself, you put in some time and effort, suddenly you have a vested interested in success (at least to some other degree than with other types of interactions). You’re less likely to want to get rid of some girls, but you have to do what’s right for you. Remain objective about everything. Don’t keep a girl around if she doesn’t deserve it, no matter how long you’ve been with her.
If you want to keep her, give her something worth having.
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