Christian Hudson – Why is Sex Fun?

I just finished reading a book by Jared Diamond – he’s the Pulitzer Prize winning author behind “Guns, Germs and Steel” – but the book I just read is about the biology of why humans enjoy sex.

If you could talk to other mammals on our planet, they’d think we were nuts. We’re (generally) monogomous, we have sex in private, and we have it throughout the month. This stands in stark contrast to most other species, but Diamond explains why pretty well.

So this got me thinking about other elements of how men and women connect. If there is a biological need to have sex, then where does the “biology” and the “chemisty” of connection begin?

After two years of running my bootcamps, where I took men out into bars and clubs and to teach them how to flirt with women, I’ve come to see the bigger picture of what guys do right, and what they do wrong.

If you’ve been in this whole world of dating and pickup for awhile, you may be familiar with some of these concepts. But I think they’re important concepts to understand clearly.

Let’s step back for a sec…

We’ll take the concept of taking a woman out for a dinner date (which is generally a lousy idea – more on that in a moment). You meet a woman you’re interested in, you want to show her that you’re a good provider, so you pay for her to sit and talk with
you. You’re courting her.

But there is this group of guys who always have hot women around them without taking them on dates or offering them tangible things. And they usually hook up a lot more. What are these guys doing that the dinner date dude isn’t doing?

Well, these guys understand the difference, either consciously or unconsciously, between attraction and courtship.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-++-+-+-+
ATTRACTION & COURTSHIP
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-++-+-+-+

Attraction is a biological and emotional thing. It is something that overtakes a person, that overpowers their logic. In the business bestseller ‘Fooled by Randomness’, we learn “much of what rational thinking seems to do is rationalize ones actions by fitting some logic to them.” As author David DeAngelo succinctly puts it, “attraction is not a choice.” Maybe you’ve been in a situation before where you’ve known a girl was wrong for you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about her.

So that’s attraction.

Courtship, on the other hand, is the logical process by which men try to prove to a woman that we’ll be good for them. It usually sends all the wrong signals and actually DECREASES a woman’s attraction for you. It makes sense to most guys because we want to show a woman that we’re safe, that we’re not going to take advantage of her or do anything she’s not comfortable with, that we’re “good guys”. Its function is to let her be the one to say “ok, I dig ya, now let’s have some sex.” Maybe you’ve been in that situation too.

So that’s courtship.

And the trap that I see sooo many guys fall into is to think that they need to court a woman to get her attracted to him.

It happens in the early stages of a relationship with the dinner dates, the roses, the “I hope she accepts me” attitude.

But it also happens later on, if a guy senses a woman slipping away. He’ll buy her gifts, write her love notes, and rationalize “if I do these sweet things, she’ll let me back in.”

Believe me, I’ve been there and done that. And in looking back on it all, I now understand with total clarity how I lost the girls.

See, this supplication and weakness is VERY unattractive to a woman. And we’re not talking about physical attraction. We’re talking about his “male attractiveness” – the characteristics that make up a strong, confident man.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-++-+-+-+-+
DOMINANCE & SOCIABILITY
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-++-+-+-+-+

I read a research report that indicated that there are two main traits that attract a female to a male: dominance, and sociability.

So with that in mind, let’s talk about those guys who don’t do much work, but who still end up with the girl. What is it about them?

They convey, from the moment they open their mouths, that they are confident in their ability to deal with a woman. They are dominant and social, or in other words:
- They aren’t going to be easily controlled
- They have a “core” that is strong
- They can be had if she does the right things
- They will be sweet and kind, if she deserves it
- They know what they want and they pursue it
- They get along with others, men and women both
- They have fun, and a generally positive outlook

And furthermore, they continue to demonstrate all these things as they keep getting to know the girl. They don’t “break down” or “give in”. They may let special women into their world, but they’ll never comprimise themselves.

You see, the biology and chemistry of connection begin the moment that a male of our species conveys to a female that he is a MAN, and not a boy who needs a mommy, or an idiot who can’t relate to her, or a loser who doesn’t believe in himself.

Men convey these traits right away, and that’s why a woman will often say “I can tell within 30 seconds of meeting a guy if I’m interested in sleeping with him.”

What she really means is, “I can tell within 30 seconds if he’s a guy who I could give myself to.”

I know some rather unbecoming men who nonetheless display all of these qualities, and who have no shortage of amazing women in their lives. And I am friends with some male models who are physically gorgeous, but display none of these traits and have a hard time getting girls to like them as anything more than friends. A female friend once said about one of my male model friends, “I’d make out with him when I’m drunk, but I’d never sleep with him, eww!”

Crazy, right?

Sometimes a girl will randomly hop into bed with a guy when she’s drunk, or hasn’t had sex in awhile, or needs to get over another guy. But don’t be fooled into thinking that these situations are anything other than random. Guys in these situations are “getting lucky.”

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
THE KEY POINT
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

This is the difference between a woman being sexually assertive (which she will sometimes do if she’s physically attracted to a guy) vs. her being sexually receptive (which she will do when a man is dominant and social).

Maybe this is all stuff you already know. Maybe it is like seeing the light of a new day. Or maybe it is hard for you to believe.

Whatever the case… its all true. The sooner you accept it, and begin to develop both your inner core and your outer presence into radiant, attractive things, the sooner that you will have the woman of your dreams. And I can tell you this from experience too: she will just fall into your arms without much work, because she will instantly see you for the man that you are.

If this stuff interests you, I highly suggest that you check out the book I mentioned by Jared Diamond, “Why is Sex Fun?” His other books are also excellent.

Finally… you might know by now that I am the executive producer of a product called Hidden Mic Pickups. It features live, hidden mic audio of dates and pickups, along with analysis of the techniques and nuances. The point of it is to let you hear the lines and structure of a good, flirtatious conversation, and also get you feeling the vibe of a confident MAN. If you’d like to learn about that, click here:
Hidden Mic Pickups

Christian

Christian is a perpetual entrepreneur and occassional social coach, runs The Social Man, and can also be found on his Hidden Mic Pickup Recordings.